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| - My so-called 'life coach' called last week from jail asking if I'd come down and throw his bail.
I knew something about the guy didn't smell right when he told me I could turn vegan by simply limiting my diet to beer and Cheetos. What an asshole.
Anyway, I'm at Uncle Sam's when he calls, mainly because they have cheap beer...their 'bailout' plan as it's called.
I call it my vegan plan.
Sixteen ounce Coor's and Miller light drafts for $1.25 every day from 3 to 7.
Dos Equis Amber for $1.50.
Loosely translated, this means I can throw back ninety six ounces for nine bucks, putting me squarely in the .0143 B.A.L. range.
If I extrapolate these figures over the course of their four-hour happy hour, I figure I'm around thirty bucks in for around two and a half gallons and a solid .30 BAL.
Pretty righteous, eh?
And the food.
The philly cheesesteak is my favorite, followed by one of the white pizza's and a dozen (actually 13) crispy hot wings. It should be noted at least one of the 13 is from a chicken who looks like it may have been a troublemaker, the farmer hobbling its wing with a hammer or something.
Anyway, the guy IS my neighbor, so it's the least I can do to bail him out.
But i am firing him as my life coach, the little prick, and I'm also demanding his parents pony up the three hundred on his bail.
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