| rev:text
| - Innocence lost.
I learned a bittersweet lesson today: once you discover the awesomeness that is "The Real Thing," you can never go back to the knockoffs. On the upside, my recent trip to Burrito Boyz introduced me to Real Burritos. On the downside, I can never return to Chipotle.
When I moved to Toronto, I was super-pumped about this "Chipotle" place I had heard about from a friend who had gone to school in the US. She would drive from Toronto back to Cleveland on a "Chipotle run" because it was just so good.
I now see that she was crazy.
I first tried Chipotle about a year ago. I made a lunch trip with some colleagues and thought at the time that this was one badass burrito. I told friends about it, even dragged some of them there. Since then, I've had Real Burritos elsewhere and Chipotle's lustre has faded.
Notwithstanding* my preference for Real Burritos, I decided to return to Chipotle today after seeing a recent, less-than-ringing endorsement by Kat "Stimulus Package for the Toronto Hospitality Industry" F., who noted unwieldiness and sloppiness. I've had better burritos since my last Chipotle run, but I really didn't think the difference was that substantial.
It was.
The astute culinary historian will recall that Chipotle was once a part of the McDonald's empire**, where assembly-line efficiency and consistency are highly valued and where food is always yummy but rarely good. While I was aware of this historical context during earlier excursions to Chipotle, its implications were not so readily apparent as they were today.
Having had a Real Burrito to compare with not two weeks prior, the taste and quality were still fresh in my mind. This placed me in an ideal position to finally see why a Chipotle burrito is not the real deal:
1: Service standard. Sulky, rushed kids slopping stuff around and wrapping it up. I think four different people handled my burrito before it ended up in my hands***, and two of them mumbled so badly I couldn't hear them.
2: Ingredients. I have never seen such a dismal tub of pinto beans in my life. There was as much broth as beans, making my burrito a bit soupy. Pico de gallo was similar, and I feel like I got chintzed on the pulled pork.
3: Finishing. I never realized before what a difference grilling the burrito makes to its ease of consumption. I learned last week that firming up the shell with a nice toasty crust gives the wrap some much-needed structure. I suspect Chipotle burritos are so unwieldy and sloppy because they're not grilled.
The burrito tasted good and was absolutely massive. There was just the right hint of cilantro if you enjoy that sort of thing. Apparently not all of us do****
(Footnote methodology is Susan "this shit is too funy for the body of the review. Put it beow." C's intellectual property. I just shamelessly adopted it)
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* I'm going to try and use this word in every review I write
** See http://www.yelp.ca/topic/toronto-chipotle-is-not-owned-by-mcdonalds for a more fulsome discussion and a link to Wikipedia's Chipotle Mexican Grill page #
*** This figure is exclusive of prep staff, as I wasn't around to see how many English majors it takes to pull pork##
**** See http://www.yelp.ca/topic/toronto-is-cilantro-the-devil-round-3 for an unscientific but amusing survey of the cilantro preferences of Toronto yelpers
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# The Yelp thread is helpful, but the linked Wikipedia page+ notes that McDona'ds did, in fact, hold a majority interest in Chipotle until 2006.
## Obligatory reference to liberal arts grads working in fast food.
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+ Wikipedia isn't always right, but I suspect the article is watched by someone from Chipotle's Communications department, so it's probably vigilantly and vigorously vetted for veracity.
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