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| - A young Rex...a young taught schoolboy Rex...was once a star athlete. I was good at all of the sports the other boys wished they were. I was great at shooting dice, 3 Card Monty, pick pocketing and loan sharking. I was the envy of my entire 3rd grade class. Very few kids that age can play the shell game on a street corner for 8 hours and then kneecap some deadbeat over a 20 dollar debt at night. I was a machine...a well oiled, tight bodied machine. The girls...oh the girls...nap time was a special time. A young Rex surrounded by his prepubescent harem. It was magical. I was on top of the world. My aunt Eunice would see me come back with some old man's pension check, because he owed 3 weeks of the vig after betting on the Giants, she would beam with pride. We would go to our special place...and then he would take me for food. I deserved it...believe me. She would buy me fried chicken. I loved it. It washed out the taste of low tide. Bribe sweet bribe. Bribed my silence. As an older man I look back on those days and still cringe. Sure the money was good. Sure the chicken was good. The rest...not so much.
I tell this tale of woe and want for one reason...all of that great chicken was almost blotted out of existence from a combination of court ordered therapy, LSD, electroshock, and Kenny G Therapy...my own creation...not for the week of heart. I discuss it in detail in "Kenny G: How the Devil Gave Us Therapy." Those great chicken dinners would be lost to the recesses of my mind...just flickering images...like the ones I see of me standing on top of a building, naked, wearing a beer hat and smoking a cigar...images of meaningful nonsense. That was until I went to the Chicken Shack. Oh, sweet Chicken Shack. Let me hold you. Let me kiss you. Let me call you aunt...wait...never mind.
Chicken Shack does what it does...and it does it amazingly! Chicken Shack chicken is never frozen. The breasts and the wings are huge...like Busty Dusty big. Ah, memories...I almost suffocated at a club in Pittsburgh once.
The 5 strip lunch/dinner is more than enough for the biggest eater. It comes with fries and a drink for under 8 bucks. Fountain drink for unlimited soda. I saw these two huge fat guys mowing down a 5 piece. They looked full. They looked content. They looked like they had hypertension. God Bless America. The wings are excellent but I recommend the strips. More meat. Tender. Juicy. Delicious. Same price.
The sauces. The sauces are key to a place like this. Like having weed on you when trying to sleep with Jennifer Aniston. Mandatory. Well, Chicken Shack doesn't disappoint. Recently I had the special Habenero Honey. It was sweet. It was hot. It hurt a little bit after 4 pieces. It hurt the good way...like being dumped by Amanda Peet...that body can only keep you happy for a long time...then you are just praying for a stroke. The BBQ sauce is excellent. The Garlic Parmesan sauce is absolutely amazing. The chili lime isn't very good, sorry. Too limey...like Hugh Grant.
If chicken isn't your thing...then you think that Rex will tear into you for going to THE CHICKEN SHACK...but no...not at all...they have a burger there that is amazing. A single. A double. A triple. You can add cheese and bacon. Yes...triple cheese and bacon. Oh is it good...it's really good. I ate it. I cried. I ate it again. I cried harder. I threw a chair out the window. I ran.
They have an all you can eat chicken wing and 1 dollar beers. If that doesn't sound good to you then you are a loser. I say that with no hesitation. No remorse. No second guessing. You are the type of person who would hold up a bank but leave the stuff in the safe.
The atmosphere is great. They have funny slogans on the wall. Cute. Sickeningly cute. Rex is sarcastic. Rex hates it. Others will love it.
The bottom line is that this is obviously a family place run by people who actually care. Rex is very happy to find a local business that prides itself on quality and building an ongoing local relationship with customers. Nice owners. Great food. Local. Cheap. Quality.
When Rex dies please batter and deep fry him. He deserves the honor. Take a bite. Take a big bite. You love the way hate tastes.
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