| rev:text
| - A friend of mine and I were visiting someone in Fountain Hills and on our way back to civilization, we decided on a whim to stop here. We had seen it on our way in and my friend mentioned he had always wanted to check it out... so we did.
When we walked in, we might as well have entered an alternate dimension or another country. Everyone was dancing around yelling and laughing boisterously. I couldn't even be sure if there was music playing or not. As soon as they saw us, they all stopped what they were doing to stare at us - like we were aliens from outer space.
Actually, it immediately looked like they were looking at us saying "F*GS!" with their eyeballs. It literally felt like they were accusing us of being homosexual lovers with each other and hence were a massive threat to their tough Country way of life. We were kinda dressed nice/stylish, but it's not like we were wearing evening gowns and tiaras or anything. My buddy hadn't changed since work (business casual) and I'm just a fuckin snappy dresser in general.
That was with the men in the bar anyway - the women in the bar (the absurdly loud, drunk and obnoxious middle-aged muffin-topped women) actually looked at us with hunger in their eyes. They clearly wanted to fuck us. I can't explain it, but it was an intense feeling.
So we walked into a situation where some sort of boot-scoot boogie music was blasting on the jukebox and the men in the room clearly wanted to hate crime us to death while the women in the room wanted to violently rape us to death. It was the most danger either of us had ever felt in an affluent suburban setting. We heard some under-breath snickers and some quiet cat calls from the ladies, but tried to ignore it.
After wandering around the place to check out what it had to offer, we decided to belly up to the bar anyway to get a couple of drinks. We sat there for 20 minutes getting deliberately ignored by the bartender who wasn't serving other customers. We stared directly at him pretty much the entire time. We watched him walk back and forth in front of us not really doing anything, but pretending to be busy. We watched him wash a couple of clean glasses over and over - avoiding eye contact with us. We waved at him and even said "excuse me" several times.
Clearly we weren't welcome... our kind. We finally gave up and left. Unless you're wearing cowboy boots or a Dale Earnhardt t-shirt, you might want to stay away from this one. It might've been an isolated incident... I guess even if we hadn't been treated poorly, neither of us would want to hang out in a shitkicker bar that plays terrible music anyway. I realize that someone else showing up here might love it and give it 5 stars - for me, this place gets only one (and only because I can't give less than one) and a big "fuck you" from me (with kisses).
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