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| - Call me a hater, but you all are brainwashed.
Edit: changed my review to two stars to be a little more fair.
I will start off by saying this is by far the best restaurant the Clarendon has had yet, though that isn't saying much considering their track record. The place is very unassuming and actually has a very comfortable feel. We were absolutely confused where to go when we walked into the restaurant. You can't tell where the bar ends and the dining room begins, and they don't have a set up hostess stand (the one they have is in the middle of the room) which you can easily find. Our hostess looked at us oddly for a couple of seconds before I let her know "were here for dinner......"
After being seated, our server came over and we told her it was our first time and needed her help choosing. She described everything to sound absolutely delicious so we ordered away. I started out with the Picolo, a drink made with jalapeno, tequila, lime, and muddled seasonal fruit. Sounds delicious, but this is where the night took a turn for the worst. I took a taste and just about dropped my glass and my head twitched.... it was so tart it was undrinkable. I'm a guy who likes my sour candy and sour anything, but this was almost painful to drink. I told the server and she started laughing and apparently assumed I was kidding???
I ordered three tacos, and a side of rice. I first tried the Cochinita, which I have to say was an absolutely butchered dish. Does this white boy need to go over and give lessons to you people about how to properly cook a Mexican dish? YOU DO NOT PUT GUACAMOLE ON COCHINITA PIBIL. You also don't used tough, chopped pork. You use shredded and slow roasted pork. You don't put chunks of fruit in it either. You ruined one of the greatest Mexican dishes of all time. The Carne Asada had a wonderfully textured and tender quality, but fell flat on it's face when it came to flavor, of which it had none. I tried the Ahi Tuna taco as well, which also was covered in guacamole. You can't just cover all of your food in guacamole and pass it as mexican, unless you are trying to hide a lack of skill in the kitchen. I ate my "guacos" (not tacos) begrudgingly.
My girlfriend ordered the guacamole and proclaimed it to be completely average, but I'd have to say otherwise. I took a bite on a chip only to find a big chunk of orange slice. Really? People order this, and then come back and order it again? This is actually the second Mexican dish you've managed to butcher, after the cochinita pibil. I won't even start on the rice, which was not cooked properly, was covered in cilantro... and I mean COVERED, and was borderline cold.
Service here is good enough, but I had the feeling the whole time that our server was simply going through the motions. When she laughed and told me she was glad I liked the drink I was complaining about, all the way to the end when she asked why we didn't finish the guacamole and couldn't understand why we weren't licking the bowl, she just flat out was off.
The meal was absolutely a bastardization of the Mexican cuisine. You all are trying to damned hard to be "cute" and made yourself look like inexperienced buffoons in the kitchen. I have to tell you that this place is probably only surviving because it caters to a niche and because some yelp superstar decided they like it, and all their sheep friends followed. If this place had to survive on it's own in the real world (outside it's "I'm to hip to go anywhere that cool people wont see me" atmosphere) it would fall flat on it's face, just like every other restaurant this hotel has dreamt up.
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