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  • This place gets five stars for being the only place where independent or foreign films may be viewed for at least a twenty mile radius. Perhaps 200 miles. They only show them a couple times a day and only on one screen, but this is really something for the Phoenix area. You wouldn't believe how thirsty you can get for culture when you are in the barren white-bread intellectual wasteland of Scottsdale. Thankfully I was able to sate myself here every once in a while with something interesting. This was the location of one of my really telling Phoenix stories which I tell to people when they ask why I moved. Here in the theater, they play little slide shows with a muzak accompaniment in the darkness while you're waiting for it to be showtime. I was in 28 days later by myself and waiting for it to start. Three high school girls sit down in front of me in the completely empty theater and continue their conversation about how they like to manipulate boys with sex and how much they're looking forward to plying these skills in the college arena. I had three walking talking stereotypes entertaining me before the show even began. A PSA [public service announcement] about how you should lock up your pools to keep children from drowning in them came up. This is a major problem in the Phoenix area because: 1) nearly everyone has a pool 2) no one takes care of their children 3) the children are usually pretty stupid because no one can be bothered to be an educated and qualified parent, so these children watch television, talk to pedos on myspace, and other vapid activities. This PSA involved a slogan that had ABC standing for something, and Momma Bear and Poppa Bear protecting Baby Bear from the horrible poolmonster. How could you tell which were which? Well the bears were personified by what they were wearing. Poppa Bear had little reading glasses, Momma Bear was wearing a dress, and Baby Bear was wearing a hat and was a third as tall. When this PSA slide came up, the girls stopped their conversation in mid-word and were transfixed. After a moment one of them broke the silence and said: "Wait. Bears don't wear glasses," with a valleygirl southwest twang. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Phoenix. The largest functioning savant population in the world.
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