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| - It was so hot this day...
("How hot was it?")
It was real hot!
I DON'T HAVE A JOKE FOR EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW!
It was only a few days since the downtown region of Calgary was opened following its cataclysmic flood. I had hoped to slip into Teatro this day, only to discover it closed until Thursday. I left a message hoping for a table then. Having parked and paid my $14, I wasn't about to abandon that invaluable commodity to search for another restaurant, so I began quickly rifling through my short list alternates. NOtaBLE? 9.2 kilometers. Brava Bistro? 2.1 kilometers. Model Milk? 1.5 kilometers I can do.
Just over a kilometer in 30+ degree weather and I in black pants without a cap. I was going to smell wonderful by my arrival. It wasn't helped by the fact my trusty iPhone with running navigation system had less than 20% power left and I still needed it to take photos of the meal and guide my way back to my car.
I'm explaining this all so you can appreciate it when I say that the restaurant I eventually entered was totally worth the walk. I would gladly crawl across broken glass with my fly unzipped for Model Milk, one of the coolest restaurants I've ever been inside. Legitimately cool, not awkwardly attempting to be cool, if it was on Top Gear's Cool Wall, it would almost be in the sub-zero fridge. It's where people go to enjoy food and feel good about themselves while doing it. I actually felt unkempt upon entering, ashamed at my own uncoolness.
So yeah, Model Milk is quite cool in a way that I appreciate. And not because they had good air conditioning. As proof of their genuine coolness, I actually heard the Charlie Brown theme playing over the speakers.
Model Milk gets its name from the fact that it was built out of an old dairy warehouse. The exposed brick walls are stencilled with the restaurant's name and logo. I was given a table, well more loaned, under a batch of lights holding up an awkward slab of wood. You heard right, though that did sound confusing. Basically, a bunch of lights with long cables suspended from the distant ceiling wind around an unrefined slab of wood half-way down. It was a neat effect. The bathroom looked rustic to the point of requiring a tetanus shot, or at least that was my best guess considering it was so dark, you'd need to trade a doctor 20 menthol KOOLs for a surgical shine job in order to see anything.
The menu was a simple affair, a single page attached to a piece of wood via elastic band. The absolutely delightful waitress suggested something cold to start, so I opted for some strange homemade soda which, like all homemade sodas, tasted fantastic until I got halfway, after which I began sucking ice cubes in water until I lamented ordering it. Thankfully, the rest of the meal was better. I decided to throw the review in Model Milk's favor and order my signature indulgence, foie gras, specifically, the foie gras parfait (with smoked maple, pickled beets, and milk bread). I have this theory that patrons rarely ever order foie gras so when an order comes in, the chef gets intrigued--someone with a modicum of culinary taste has entered their restaurant. I got this impression when in Chambar because the maitre d later came out later to ask me how it was. And it happened again here, only this time, it was a chef that came out to ask. I doubt they do that for every table.
And it was worthy of praise; once again, foie gras was awesome, part salad, part spread. The only issue with such a dish is that the following order has a lot to live up to. With Chamber, the duck easily surpassed the appetizer. And Model Milk followed suit. The broek acres pig (with crushed edamame, fennel, apple, and celery salad) was like eating a juicy bacon steak, probably the best chunk of pig I've ever had. And I usually don't like pig that isn't "baconized" in some way. To send it over the moon, it was sided with an edemame, fennel, apple and celery salad, a perfect pair with the pig.
As a finale, I decided on something cold, the breakfast ice cream sandwich, made with corn flakes, peanut butter, jam, and crème fraiche. A great finish.
The meal wasn't cheap. As a starter, the foie gras was the most expensive dish on the small plate menu at $17, but by only a buck. The large plates were expectedly pricier, with the cheapest being a burger--a burger--at 19$. This is nearing a yearly indulgence price rather than a monthly tradition price, nowhere near a weekly ritual. I'd love to go back, but if I was living in Calgary, it would have to be sparingly. Maybe I'm not as cool enough to appreciate the expense.
DECOR: 9
PLATING: 8.5
SERVICE: 9
FOOD: 9
VALUE: 7
OVERALL: 8.5 out of 10
If you've made it this far, let me offer my disclaimer that, as somewhat of a hipster myself, I am being ironic in my condemnation of them. I in no way hate them, but found their clichés appearing within Model Milk amusing.
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