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| - This is part 2 of my Cosmopolitan review. The first part addressed the Cosmo as a place to party. Now, I'm here to tell you what it's like to actually STAY here.
A friend of mine shelled out major coin to get a suite with a wraparound balcony overlooking the Strip, and it was actually kind of a disappointment!
The room itself was AWESOME -- bad ass decor, full kitchen and bar, lots of cool art books all over the place, colored pencils on the desk and funky furnishings as far as the eye could see. The fridge minibar was filled with ironic hipster drinks like Pabst Blue Ribbon and Yoo-Hoo, and the minibar also very thoughtfully included a pair of binoculars, which came in VERY USEFUL for spying on people from the balcony. I watched a mook in a hot tub 30 stories below rolling a joint...and watched some cops arrest some poor fool in a pickup truck in the Aria valet...all from the comfort of the balcony. GOOOOOOOOD TIMES!
HOWEVER, the balcony was the main reason he booked the room -- the plan was to sit outside at night with a doob and a stick of incense, ruminating on life and whatnot -- but the BRAIN SHATTERINGLY LOUD thumping and bumping OONCE-OONCE-OONCE from the g.d. stupid nightclub 30 stories below TOTALLY RUINED that idea. It was SO LOUD out there, he literally had to keep the sliding glass doors shut the whole time, and had to sleep with earplugs in. Caveat emptor!! And it NEVER STOPS -- once the last addle-brained party whore stumbles out at 5am, the whole f*ckin' circus starts up again for Marquee's poolside Dayclub. Arrrrgrh! If you want to use your balcony at all, and be able to carry on a conversation while doing so, better git r done between 5-9am, as that appears to be the only time that place shuts down to swab up all the spilled vomit, piss and amniotic fluid.
Another beef was the room service: it SUCKED! I tried to order something from the extremely limited menu only to be told "Oh, you must have the OLD room service menu...we changed it! Would you like us to bring you a new one?" Uh, YEAH!! It took them so long (40 minutes) to bring a new menu that I had already gone online, looked at it on their website, and placed my order. And it's a good thing I didn't wait -- because they brought us the SAME DAMN MENU again! The "old" one!!! So now we had two obsolete menus.. which really didn't matter, because the limited selection of shitty food was a disappointment anyway.
My third and final beef was the WiFi connection. It is impossible to go online with an iPad (my friend and I tried on both of ours), and unless your laptop is directly plugged into the ethernet cable on the desk, you can't even stay online on a laptop very long before being kicked off, over and over. VERY annoying.
In summary: if you want to enjoy your balcony, either get a room facing away from the Strip, or come here Mon-Weds when the stupid nightclub/dayclub is closed. Bring binoculars (or pay out the ass for the ones in the minibar). Don't order room service, and leave your iPad at home.
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