rev:text
| - Well well well... I'm the first to review the new Dick's location. Of course I am. I can already hear this review screaming ROTD and I haven't even written it yet...
1. I'm not gay. This is probably the fourth Yelp in which I've disclosed this. It's not important because you should care what my orientation is but so that you can get a sense of this place from the hetero-perspective.
2. Many people think I'm in the closet. So if you're rolling your eyes at number one, you're not alone.
3. Granted, my speech patterns and flamboyant style are confusing, especially if you're from the midwest.*
4. People are gonna think what they want and life is just really, really good anyway.
5. I was DD one night and we were driving from E. McDowell to Cenpho. Someone, who shall remain nameless, screams from the back seat, "DICKS!"
6. We go.
7. The two ladies I "brought" loved it.
8. One of the dancers is "huge." I want one of those.
9. I can appreciate male beauty. There were maybe one or two pretty dudes but the rest were just ridiculously fit. Six packs and the like...
10. Apparently, three more minutes of the grind and my lady friend was gonna not be not actively orgasming. She was with the "huge" dude.
11. She went back the next night.
12. My other friend's personal dancer said, "I think I'm enjoying this more than you are." I hang with some sexy ladies. I'm very lucky.
13. It's fully nude if I haven't made that clear.
14. There is a no cell phone use policy, which I had no idea they would enforce.
15. Punishment for using cell phone: The most twinkish dancer among them came over and started grinding in my crotch with his ass. Like........ yeah. If that wasn't bad enough, he kept screaming "Pull my hair!" Dude. "Don't call me dude!" Sorry, Dude. "Don't call me dude!!!" "Smack my ass!"
16. They make straight dudes pay to get in. Remedy that immediately, please. If I'm there with 2 or 7 women, and your gaydar doesn't go off, hook a brother up.
*Just kidding middle America.
|