| rev:text
| - Take tips from a former employee, from when dinner was $9 and the bowls were ceramic.
SPRING for the large bowl, when you pick up your bowl conveniently take two, it is for sauce later, you will need it. Depending on the time of day employees might enforce their one bowl rule even after you inform them it is for sauce because they have small bowls above the sauce later down the line. Those bowls are small, they are for rookies, you want a large bowl for sauce.
TO GO. Tell them your order is to go, there is no reason to pay $0.50 per box to eat there, the ambience at home with your dog is better. When they asked "do you want a soup cup?", you bet your sweet buns you want a soup cup. Even if you hate soup you want a soup cup. You have taken naps all week for dinner to be able to afford this $14 treat.
PROFILE both lanes before committing. The elderly and the young will slow you down, avoid lanes with these people. If only one lane is open ask an employee to open the other lane, it is probably closed for restocking but they can restock around you, but be empathetic and keep your trip clean because they have probably just cleaned it.
MEAT is at the beginning and you will need to grab tissue to smash it down. Meat is the enemy!! Or at least it can be. The meat is curled on purpose. It is at the beginning so that it takes up more space in your bowl - that is why it is curved. Be smarter than the dead meat. Find lots of small pieces that are flat or find curled pieces that look less frozen than others so they are easier to smash.
FLAT veggies go on first. They go around the edges, flush with the sides of your bowl leaving the middle for baby corn or potatoes and the like i.e. non-flat stuff.
BROCCOLI was public enemy number two in this race to stuff your face, but now it's your bff. Pick pieces of broccoli with long stems and put them on your tray until you have put ALL other veggies in your bowl. Only then will you place each individual piece of broccoli around the edge of your bowl like a tasty Christmas wreath. Push the stem down into the other veggies and use the head of each broccoli piece to increase the size of your bowl!! Holy Batman, Batman, that's friggin genius!
NOODLES now that your broccoli wreath has stabilized the mass of veggies in your bowl and increased stackable surface area, you are ready for noodles. TWIRL those noodles like it's mom's spaghetti and your palms aren't sweaty. The more your noodles look like a suburban bird's nest, the better. STACK EM HIGH, if you do it right you can balance three or more bird's nests in top of your bowl and by this time your mass should be touching the sneeze guard!
TRIPLE SAUCE. You are a pro, you have trained for this, you spent all that time looking at the YC's menu of sauce combinations online and you have memorized what you want, now triple it. Break out that hidden second large bowl and scoop yo sauce. If you got bowl blocked in the beginning you will need two small bowls and to develop a better slide of hand for next time. Don't bother trying to put sauce in your skyscraper bowl, you will spill, employees will glare at you, just use the extra bowl (s).
RESTACK. If there is a line at the grill, transfer your tray over to the waiting area and attempt to stack any stragglers back on top of your bowl but, just like two a.m. at the club, DO NOT SMASH it!
ASK if the grill person can scrape the grill (it helps to flash some cash at this point to let the grill person know you mean business, tip em if you got em) you spent a lot of time curating your flavor, don't let your predecessors' bowls muck it up!
REMEMBER to mention that it is to go. They will hand you: a small box, a cup, a utensil, a bag. Get them all. Don't get shorted.
SIDES. While you are waiting, fill your box with rice half way and crispy wontons totally smashed half way (still crunchy and delicious, just more food per inch cubed if they are smashed a little, or a lot, w/e). If your gigantic spaceship of food is still being grilled, grab some soup. DRAIN the broth. Broth is for the sick and the rich, you came here for value and to live on left overs for a week. AFTER the soup cup if full of chicken and veggies you can add some broth to keep it warm on the drive home.
COLLECT your food from the grill master. If you have not allotted at least two large boxes and a small box you need more practice.
NO ICE. Ice is for penguins and polar bears, you need soda and have no room for space fillers like frozen water.
MOVE out of the way of others trying to get stuff and things from the small area to do so. Close the tops of your boxes and put them in your plastic bag at a table near the back - far away from the line and the rush. Don't be a menace, while standing there drinking your juice.
Good luck to you on your journey to massive gains, may the odds be ever in your favor.
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