| rev:text
| - DEAR MICHAEL,
What were you thinking?
WRONG marketing firm---or were they well-meaning (but zero-experienced) friends? or "friends"? Oh-so-wrong customer approach. Lovable Chef-Man, give me the opportunity to at least bump up the 2 stars to 3 and the 3 to 4. I'm cheap, too. I'll settle for a couple picks off your menu every 4 months or so---no crazy fee, and no artificial adoration that must have exuded out of their every pore, for you to have agreed to this restaurant blunder.
Michael. Hear me. Read me. Somehow. Someway. Your take on the Ten Commandments does not bode well. Trust me. He'll always get more believers and followers than you ever will coming from this angle. That "instruction card"?...a venial sin. Yes, it's tongue-in-cheek...but believe me when I say that it has backfire straight from Hell. The results of your playfulness---as noted in comments here and elsewhere---implore the need for a change.
Aside from the very few M.E.H. members (Miserable & Envious Herd) reviews, you risk transforming average human beings just looking forward to a good old burger and beer from a local celebrity chef's joint, into snarking, venom-spewing beasts, too. And---although a fair amount of visitors would never admit it---even to their closest, most intimate friend---is that of their willingness to stay, though off-put, after reading their "rights". Feeling like willing sheep---but with a gnawing sense of reluctance---they meekly, obediently follow their "chefherd". (couldn't resist.) With butts stuck to chairs---rendered immovable by their curiosity or hunger---they submissively pick their choices from the menu, while intermittently hissing their dislike of your "attitude" and rules under their breath. Please see the card for what it is---an unappetizing "appetizer". And what about those who just left without ever ordering? Two a week?---twenty? Your present approach---by it's very nature and design---begs for negative reactions and the perceived "right to whine" about the FOOD even if unwarranted. This is not good for business---an angle that might be entertaining only to those who "get it" or know you personally---NOT so much to those who don't. It's like food poisoning.
I see where you're coming from with the "No Change" to orders thing. I feel the same way when I make fried bologna sandwiches at home. "No---I fry it in butter, so no mayonnaise. This is the way I make it and this is the only way it comes." You're the chef (and yours may be the best way) but maybe a little wiggle-room for add-ons? I've never been in your trenches, but isn't it possibe that the likelihood of an insurmountable number of orders with alterations hitting the line at one time is probably way less than you've already experienced? Just go for adding a few more employees and risk the sporadic back-up. Give it a test for just one week. Gather up all those laminated "dining guides" and hide them away where no one can ever stumble upon them, then drape a sheet or something---anything---over the giant chalkboard.
Begin anew by accommodating menu modifications. It is, after all, a burger joint. Albeit, of higher quality ingredients than others, but a burger joint nonetheless. People will be smiling from the tables...probably not even concerned if it takes 20-25 minutes. They'll just pass the time recalling favorite Food Network episodes and fond memories of you.
First impressions. We've all heard of having only one chance to make a good one. As Cleveland's very own Master Chef---home-grown, talented, likeable---I believe that you deserve a second chance to make up for the misguidance, and any misconstrued "first".
Your "Clevelander". Perfect. I'm not one to ever trust a sausage-style offering of any type, but I had total faith in you. Ground up meats, huh?.... enclosed---and totally concealed from my eyes?---into one handy, convenient unit?...hmmm... If it's on your menu---I'm going for it. With your reputation---and my courage---this choice paid off beautifully. Absolutely delicious! So, too, with the buttery toasted roll, and those fries. Enough fried starch for 3 people. And "Thin Lizzy"?---she's really more on the chubby side. I'm sure she would have been one awesome burger if not for the 15 minute ride home. I take full responsibility for her continuing to cook inside that well-insulated box---a material that looked and felt like it was formed from asbestos ceiling tiles---more like a take-out thermos. Next time, I'll eat any burger in-house.
You've been misdirected, Michael. Love you, man, but give your new ideas---or anyone elses---a week or more of serious thought before implementing. Stop listening to inexperienced friends or acquaintances---and any foolhardy, risk-taking, uncreative marketer. Listen to me instead---a perfect stranger.
Yours Truly, Gerri S.
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