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  • I've only recently heard about Hanlan's beach. After all the fuss I decided to check it out over the long weekend. From the moment I arrived at the fairy station the experience was doomed to fail. The ferry's for Toronto Island are poorly organized and chaotic. There were only 2 machines for automated tickets to the island, one being broken. There is no proper signage and no staff on site, so I was left waiting in the line for an automated ticket for almost 20 minutes. Luckily, a born again Christian was passing out prayers as well as Ferry information. He directed me to the 'cash-only line' to get my ticket and I was past the line ups within 10 minutes. I reached the island and made my 15 minute walk to the "beach". Hanlan's beach is clothing optional and it should be outlawed. Everyone that was naked shouldn't be. I saw so many pepperoni sized nipples and extra small penis' that is was truly off putting. If you got it flaunt it but if you don't have some shame, sweet Jesus! I had always assumed any body of water near Toronto was heavily polluted but everyone tried to dispel my beliefs saying it was extremely safe and considered one of the best city beaches in North America. When I went into the water I could only assume that every other beach in North America is attached to a Nuclear dumping site in order for Toronto to win that title. The water has an algae/toxic look. I was afraid to go beyond waist level for fear of the water entering my mouth or mutating me in some form, like a third nipple. It took nearly an hour to get to the beach, but I spent a total of 10 minutes at the beach. I quickly packed up my stuff and headed home, hearing a passerby say "should have brought booze". I completely agreed with that comment. If I ventured out to this beach I would stock pile booze and pack some food. The closest snack bar is 15 minutes away and offers overpriced $5 hot dogs served by an extremely rude woman. This adventure was an epic fail. I do not recommend this beach, unless you bring booze. Loads and loads of booze, and maybe a Hazmat suit.
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