Take your favorite Hot Dog On A Stick, and remove the following:
- Rude teenage mallrats, especially the ones who sag skinny jeans (one way or the other, NOT BOTH)
- Survey takers.
- Muzak.
- Drunk mall Santas (observation valid Nov-Dec only. Void where prohibited.)
- Hipsters going in and out of Urban Outfitters.
- Mall cops with an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
- The temptation of Foot Locker and Champs (sneakerheads, you know what I mean)
- The temptation of GameStop (gamers, you know what I mean)
- The temptation of CinnaBon (humans, you know what I mean)
And retain the following:
- Hot dogs on sticks.
- Lemonade
- The doofy hat.
That alone warrants 4 stars. Warning: they didn't drop the mall prices, though, so have some coupons handy.