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| - I had high hopes for The Eggery.
Not because I thought it had potential or was even that hungry.
For me, the notion of an egg-themed restaurant sounded like the result of insanity. The kind of mad science you see in comic books and Discovery Channel shows about hunting ghosts.
My brain had conceived this idea of an egg-obsessed madman, ceaselessly forging egg-based delights so that he may share his much-too-specific love of eggs with the world.
Unfortunately for me and my imagination, The Eggery is not insane like Bizarro or Dr. Weird.
No, it's a "Kevin Costner movie" kind of crazy.
The menus look like they haven't been changed or updated since the 80's. Which would normally be refreshingly retro, except the 80's weren't necessarily a good decade for eggs. Come to think of it, I don't think eggs and time travel are compatible.
The omelettes look more like accidents than exquisitely prepared dishes.
"You got chopped up ingredients in my eggs!"
"You got eggs in my chopped up ingredients!"
"...are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
The Eggs Benedict looks like it's mocking you.
"Hahaha, you could've gotten this same dish at Hometown Buffet, and it would've tasted better, too!"
The Eggery has no means of separating their pancakes from their competitors so they just make them bigger.
If you can help it, avoid ordering the sausage.
In fact, if it's not made of eggs, don't bother. They won't make it right.
Your sausage will be overcooked, your hashbrowns will be burnt, and your coffee will taste like they used the toilet water. And the carafe of coffee they give you is usually only half-filled.
And don't bother complaining to the manager. After all, he's probably the genius who assembled this crack team of apathetic, inattentive doppelgangers posing as a wait staff. Dude probably doesn't even know what eggs Benedict is supposed to look like.
Fuck this. I'm going to Denny's.
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