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| - Have you ever been to a place so fancy, that your first thought before you did anything was "Will this make me look like an uncultured swine?"
Arriving early for happy hour, before my daughter's birthday dinner, we make our way up to the bar, as the first patrons of the day. The no-nonsense barkeep, whose entertained both debutantes and scofflaws alike since the Johnson administration, greets us and in a gravely voice, asks "Whaddaya havin"
In the lowest, manly toned timbre I can muster, I reply "An iced tea... please". Looking into his expressionless eyes, I sensed that my drink order may have just broken his spirit.
He returns with my frosty beverage, and a basket of sourdough bread.
Sourdough bread... it's the rich man's "funnel cake".
A few minutes later, as we were seated next to Arizona's retired elite, who were downing vermouth and olive juice, scoffing at Ketel One, I noticed a plate of olive oil resting on the far side of the bar (see photo), I proceed to dip my bread... and then notice the viscosity is nothing like I've ever noticed before with EVOO.
The plate of "coarse salt" to its left should have been a clue. Nothing quite says "you dont belong", like dipping your sourdough bread in the margarita lime juice.
Needing to salvage dignity, I quickly order the shrimp san remo and fish & chips appetizers... and hoped no one was the wiser. I couldn't try the shellfish dish, but it was probably my daughter's favorite dish of the evening. My F&C looked like big puffy cod beignets, and were delicious with their light batter.
Our waitress then whisked us away to our white linen-ed table, where another full basket of bread was awaiting our arrival. My daughter commented the feel of the room would go well with Disney's Pirates attraction. After taking our orders, the waiter brings a tiny chaffing glass of yellowish liquid suspended over a candle flame. I just assumed this was a heated bouquet of fragrance, being too intimidated to inquire
My daughter ordered her first lobster, and I, my first wellington. Both of our assessments were exactly the same. I'm glad I tried it, and I dont feel the need to order it again... ever
In time, my curiosity got the best of me, and I inquired as to the canary colored solvent. It was clarified butter. Hmm, what exactly can I do with this clear elixir? It wasn't simply put there for the fragrance. As the uncultured swine that I am, I proceeded to Google "clarified butter", to better understand these fancy-man ways.
Ghee, from the hills of India, which contains some unsubstantiated weight loss properties... so I immediately tossed it back... much like the two ladies with their vermouth and olive juice.
A fun time was had by both father and daughter, as we bantered back and forth about our misgivings with the dessert menu, as "funnel cake" was noticeably absent
As we ascended the staircase back up to our awaiting vehicle, we are instantly transported back from 1800's Spanish galleon to modern day, 104 degree phoenix... while that old, retired lady who was sitting next to you at the bar... you know, the one who had one too many vermouth and olive juices, looks back at you and says "hey, yous can go around me... its gonna take a while"
"Gladly, madame... gladly"
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