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  • After hitting up the Hot Box Cafe, a five minute walk from Kom Jug Yuen, my brother and I set out for a cheap-pre-club-meal on a Saturday night; Luckily, or not (depending on how you look at it), we stumbled upon Kum Jug. What was I wearing? Black Sports Jacket by Hugo Boss, white dress shirt by Jean Paul Gaultier, silver tie (in a half-windsor) by Armani, black trousers by Hugo Boss, black dress socks (Calvin Klein), patent-leather dress shoes (Calvin Klein), and boxer briefs (also by Calvin Klein). At first I was slightly taken aback by the euphemism of the restaurant's title (i.e. alluding to a 'jug full of spermatozoa'). However, what we found inside was apparently even stranger than the restaurant's name. For starters, the term 'Hole-In-The-Wall' does not even begin to describe this place; When you enter Kum Jug it is, both literally and figuratively, like peering inside a homeless Chinaman's rectum. Unfortunately however, words cannot accurately describe Kum Jug to you; This is because, plainly speaking, Kum Jug is a visceral, physical, and emotional experience all at once. Words simply fail to do it justice. What I will tell you is that if you are feeling especially bold, I suggest taking a visit to the washroom in the basement. It is very similar to the rest of the restaurant but only with more feces on the floor and walls. With respect to the menu; it is almost entirely in Chinese except for one item - 'Pork and Noodle'. My brother and I were about to order this but the 'server' brought two orders of it out to us before we even had a chance to. Weird. I found out later, from a veteran-patron of Kum Jug, that they always automatically bring out an order of 'Pork and Noodle' to white people. Interesting. Here's where things get even weirder though; the 'Pork and Noodle' actually tasted okay, was very filling, and only cost about $4. So, after all of the negativity in my review, you are probably thinking that I would not recommend Kum-Jug to you; However, my suggestion is precisely the opposite; Stop what you are doing, do yourself a favor, head to Kum-Jug now (before it is shut down by Toronto Public Health). You will feel dirty afterwards, you may get a tapeworm, but make no mistake - it is the full Kum-Jug experience...
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