| rev:text
| - Due to my downtown Tempe location I've been getting flyers from Gus's taped onto my door for years. A couple nights ago, I had a wicked hunger smack me in the face around 1am, so I decided to give Gus's pizza a shot.
Gus's flyers all scream about online ordering, so I wandered to their site and thought I'd give that a try. I noticed right away that next to their $1.50 delivery charge was a 49 cent "service fee." Being a poor college student, I decided to skip the fees and just call in for takeaway.
I call, speak to some almost-unintelligible knucklehead, and order my 18" pepperoni, sausage, and garlic using one of the many coupons that have collected on my desk. Knucklehead says twenty minutes and I thank him, chuckle at amusing youtube videos for ten minutes, and then make the five minute drive to guarantee that my pizza will be fresh from the oven.
I hit up Delhi Palace a couple times a month so I know the location, but I had never been inside Gus's before. I was immediately unimpressed. Behind the counter was some mid-forties guido complete with slicked back hair and gold chain around his neck, and a couple of other guys who appeared to be trying as hard as they could to avoid working.
I tell them I'm here, and guido turns to chump number one, whose job it apparently was to make my pizza. It turns out he hadn't done so yet, so he tossed it together, threw it in the oven, and told me it'll be ready as soon as it's ready. I pay (using cash to avoid yet another fee), sit down, and listen to the banter between the knuckleheads behind the counter and the disturbing douchebag at the table behind me, who apparently likes women much shorter than him that he can dominate. Mothers, watch your daughters. No, not the ones at ASU, the ones in junior high.
My pizza was finally done after about 15 minutes of angry birds, so I took it home and popped open the box. The toppings all appeared to be right, but the smell was off. Who knows, maybe they use the magical ingredient that makes their pizza as good as all of the one-review five-star sockpuppets who have reviewed Gus's say it is, but no. Instead, I'm eating bland crust, oversweet sauce, and some form of dried chunks of garlic rather than the fresh garlic I was expecting between my meh pepperoni and tombstone-quality sausage.
It's important to try many things in life, but now that I've tried Gus's pizza I can safely say I'll never be back. I don't care how drunk or hungry I may be, and how late it has gotten, Gus's is off the list.
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