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  • There are two things that redeem the EpiCentre from being a pitiful one star for me. 1: Living a couple blocks away, I might conceivably find one or two of the shops here convenient one day. And 2: It's quite an attractive building if you can ignore the unfinished bits of concrete and rebar sticking out of the top like broken promises. But that, I'm afraid, is as far as my considerable generosity will stretch. I suppose if pretentious places like Mez, Kazba or (heaven forbid) rapey places like Whiskey River are your scene then this place is probably "totally sick" or even "wicked awesome, bro". But it's not mine. And well, it's my review. Let Fratty McKegstand and Roofy McDouchebag write 5-star reviews in between fist-pumps. Out celebrating multiple January birthdays, one of my fellow newly 30-somethings decided he wanted to go to Kazba so badly that he paid the cover for all those that didn't want to go. After 45 minutes witnessing the sort of behavior that makes one wonder if humanity would even be worth saving from a global cataclysm, we decided to leave. Once out the door and past the velvet rope (how cliche!) a friend of mine decided to say "bye, douche bag" to one of the ruder bouncers. Evidently the bouncer's Napoleon complex would not let such an affront to his character stand and tried to forcibly keep my friend there against his will. After some tugging on shirts and threats of violence, cops were called and the little shit actually had the nerve to claim legal high ground. I'll admit it wasn't the most dignified action I've seen from my friend but it was a personal remark of someone as he was leaving. He broke no law. So if I'm not mistaken, that's false imprisonment. Fortunately, an employee from next door who was apparently familiar with the little Road House Bonaparte's antics saw the whole thing and made sure the cops knew what happened. Still, the officer told us to leave the EpiCentre; which was pretty fucking convenient as that's exactly what we were trying to do in the first place.
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