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| - This review is going to be full of a lot of animal metaphors, just so you know.
My car broke down on me a few weeks ago. It was my first real car, and while I had been anticipating a break down for the past 4 years, it just kept going and going, so i guess like an old cat I had just assumed it was immortal. At least it died with honor, in a Walgreens parking lot near my house where I could walk home, and not like, in Cincinnati. It's still sitting in my driveway because I can't bear to flush it down the toilet.
I work from home, so my situation wasn't urgent, but I was obviously going to need to start biking around, something my hipster friends have been encouraging me to do for a very long time. They are going to feel so f-ing righteous the first time I bike to Ohio City, and frankly, I hope I lose no weight at all because I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I dug out my bike from the garage, where it had been sitting for the last year, covered in spiderwebs and dust. It's a bike I got at a garage sale for forty bucks, and I was convinced it needed a new everything. I know nothing about bikes. I don't think I could even put air in my tires if I needed to. I am a bad bike owner.
I instantly anthropomorphized the bike. I started thinking of it as a horse. I was like, sure I can probably figure out how to ride it and not make it hate me, but I'm not a horse vet. It should go to the horse vet and get checked out. Krissie, who is Alex the owner's girlfriend and my Dawson Creek watching partner, very kindly picked up my sick horse for me and took it over to Joy Machines (that's Dawson privileges, I don't think she'll do that for everyone, but I know she'll be thrilled I mentioned her in this review). I called them to follow up, and told Alex "Hey, do whatever needs to be done to make it healthy." Darlings, that is what rubes say. That is what you say to a mechanic knowing he is going to charge you for at least two things that aren't necessary. But Alex and Renato only have your best interests at heart. Alex said it would be done in a week, but finished it in three days, and I paid less than 100 for the whole thing. I mean, he could have charged me 300 and I would have had zero idea, I don't know how much horse parts cost. But they are honest and quick, and they really just want to see you and your horse riding happily along. They are fervent proponents of the bike cult.
The horse is now named Thumper, and we went for our first street ride yesterday, by which I mean my sister and I rode around the neighborhood and she tried to teach me how to avoid cars, and I ended up quitting after an hour because I had the wrong shoes on and my crotch hurt. So, baby steps. But I found a shortcut to the bars through the cemetery, so we're on our way.
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