I can only surmise that Outback Steakhouse's ubiquity in America stems from the fact that the average person is either too lazy or too ignorant to realize that a good NY Strip can be prepared for half the price and in half the time.
I'm quite certain that at no point did salt, or his feisty brother pepper, touch my steak. I'm absolutely positive that the 100% grass-fed steak I bought at the local farmer's market didn't have a massive piece of gristle in it, unlike the one I consumed at Outback.
Even the Caesar salad was as dry as the Sahara. When the best thing on a $20 plate of food is the "Aussie fries," which were crispy, you have a world of problems.
My only solace was the fact that tonight's meal will forever be a black mark on someone else's bank statement.