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| - Much like Martin Luther King, I have a dream.
It's a long-standing dream that doesn't so much involve equality or peace, though those things are certainly up there a few dreams down the line, but rather my own selfish pseudo-sexual fantasy of being smack-dab in the middle of two of my three (See also: David Bowie's Goblin King) great childhood crushes that were not cartoon characters. What? Cartoons have needs too.
To detail my dream (because I know y'all are into that kinda thing--this is the internet, after all) I'll start from the beginning...
I'm the headline guest on the Late Show with David Letterman while Bill Murray is the supporting guest, meaning he goes out to interview first. When Bill's alotted interview time is over, he doesn't clear off stage and instead the show's producers decide to go back to the old late-night talk show format where the first guest just moves down a seat and listens while the new guest (me) comes on and sits in the seat nearest Dave. So while the interview would focus primarily on me, Bill could still (potentially) bounce some jokes from across the couch.
Okay, so that's the basic setting for the dream, then I come out and the audience cheers and Dave stands to come over and great me as I walk up the stage stairs. Then Bill stands up from the first guest seat to give me the usual hug and professional acquaintance kiss on each cheek (which would be a total ruse since there'd most likely be a fiery sexual tension burning from both our loins), then as I turn to the audience to do the standard wave to fans and smoothing of my skirt before sitting in the hot seat, Bill pulls some typical BM shenanigans and jokingly sits back down in the first guest seat instead of moving over, leaving me no option but to do an 'Oh Bill, you silly goose' face with a bit of blushing and as the audience thinks I'll let the joke play out, Bill will politely get up and I'll take my seat, BUT instead I play into the humor and take the very unladylike seat on Mr Bill Murray's lap. Dave does his usual squeaky laugh and makes a joke about getting comfortable; I might make a joke while pretending I don't know that I'm actually sitting on Bill about the chair being a 'little stiff' (if the censors approve) then a laugh track would play, Paul Schaefer would signal for the 'a joke just happened' drum/symbols, Bill would make a 'Hey man, I'm only human' facial expression and we'd continue on.
I'd imagine Bill might take charge of my end of the interview, interjecting and acting as my handler of sorts and answering questions in my place as how he thinks I would answer them while I make corrections and BM would then say that what I said is what he actually meant to say and so on.
At some point my hair (which will be big, bountiful and Bardot-esque with my full weave snapped in) gets in Bill's mouth a bit while I'm turning my head back and forth to Dave and Bill, whose lap I'm still sitting on. Dave points out the 'hairy situation' Bill's gotten himself into and Bill says something to the tune of it not being so bad and my hair being really soft and luxurious against his skin and that he bets it'd be a treat to run his hands through, as he gently nestles his fingers into my long, luscious orange locks. Naturally, this piques Dave's interest as he'd also like to have a feel of my mane, so he asks if he 'may' and I of course oblige. Then a few moments pass and the audience is eating it up while Dave and Bill are just loving touching my hair- so much so that Dave motions to stage hands that he needs two brushes STAT! Because nothing would please him more than being able to brush my hair. The brushes arrive, they both continue to chatter and soak up all the Candice G hair brushing they can, even bypassing the regularly scheduled top ten list and substituting with their own top ten of why Candice G is so wonderful with supporting reasons being things like, 'because Candice is so charming', 'because Candice hair was rated 5-stars on Yelp', 'because we love Candice'... etc, etc, they don't have to make sense, this is my dream and I can paint it however I choose.
The show ends with Alan Kalter basically having to cut in and sign out for Dave since he, much like Bill, is still so enthralled in brushing my hair. There's also no musical guest since the sound of smooth brush strokes and careful whispers between the three of us are music enough. And of course there's more to the dream than just that but a girl's gotta keep some sh*t private, right?
Aaaanyway... Thanks to the magic of GelaSkins, a contest held by my boss and a cornucopia of #Winning, I can have a little bit of that dream on a daily basis in the form of my custom MacBook GelaSkin with just the most beautiful image you've ever seen (see posted image)--a semi old-school pic of Bill Murray and David Letterman on the Late Show. I can close my eyes and be that much closer to being between icons. Gelaskins: making dreams come true.
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