| rev:text
| - Ok, look, Yelp. We've had some good times, you know, you've recommended some great places, I've helped you out with some first reviews, its been good, its been, you know, a relationship that approaches equilibrium at times. I won't lie, there have been betrayals, there have been some letdowns, but you know, I was willing to forgive, I was always willing to move on.
And then I heard about the Easy reviews.
I wasn't willing to believe at first, you know how it is: your friends are jealous, inventing stories, malicious bitches....
but...but then I looked, and I knew.
You had betrayed me Yelp, your aggregate review of Easy was so idiotically skewed by people who had clearly wandered in off the street with no concept of that restaurant's internal logic, the beauty of its mechanisms, the harmony of its spheres: and then, with no concern, with not even a thought for the infinity of possibility that lay outside their shallow, one-off, ill informed experience, they callously tossed off a three, two, or, god forbid, one star review, most likely forgetting the experience as soon as it was done...like some sort of horrid date rapist moving on to their next victim (yes, that's right, I totally just compared otherwise awesome Yelpists to date rapists because I disagree with their review....What?)
Let me attempt to remedy the situation:
One: do not fucking order Mexican breakfast from Easy.
This should be basic people. Do you see Mexicans in the kitchen? Does a single fucking thing about the establishment even fucking suggest a possibility of being able to deliver Mexican food in a reasonable manner? No. No such fucking thing exists. Jesus. Get ANY OTHER GODDAMN THING on the menu and it will be awesome. Children could have figured this out if you showed them a picture of the place...what is wrong with you?
Second: DO NOT GET THE MEXICAN ENTREES. Seriously. Stay the fuck away.
Third: Almost everything else is awesome, the steak and eggs is wicked ( I recommend just fucking biting the bullet and going for a rare steak with poached eggs: you KNOW you want to see those yolks soak into the blood like some sort of Yellow/Red abstract expressionist piece)
Fourth: seriously, like, everything else is awesome: the toast is brilliant (if you aren't starving toast soldiers is awesome), the roasted tomatoes are perfect, the west coast toast is the best seafood oriented benny in the city BY FAR (caviar and smoked salmon), the sausages are brilliant...fuck...its all so good. Seriously Yelp, realize you made a deeply idiotic menu choice, return to the scene of the crime, and make some apologies...
OK, last time but, fucking Mexican entrees at a diner themed around 60's Hollywood film...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!?????
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