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  • No. No. A thousand times no. Guy Fieri owes me 30 bucks and the hour I completely wasted on one of the worst dining experiences I've had in years. (Yeah, yeah.) First of all, this place is a hole. I don't mind holes as a general rule, but Crystal on Penn takes it to a "hole" new level. It's Dante's circle of hell reserved for compulsive cleaners, fans of sanitation and neat freaks. It's dirrrrrrty, know'm'sayin'? Second, the service. It's bizarre. Servers who holler across the bar at each other and patrons and sing along to the radio at the top of their lungs. Friendly, but not professional in the slightest. Lastly, the food. It's awful, and about as "Mediterranean" as raggae. The sampler appetizer was described to us by the server as "a sampling of all our best appetizers, accompanied by fresh, warm pita." Dolmades were dry and bland, hummus was boring, tabbouleh was all parsley and the olives were canned California olives. "Fresh" and "warm" translated to "chewy" and "room temp" for the pita. Icing on the cake: the plastic, divided server like the pre-cut veggie platters at the grocery store. The falafel sandwich -- touted by our server as featured by Guy on "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" -- had an extremely odd aftertaste and was served as crumbles instead of patties. Husband's gyro salad was completely uninspired, sprinkled with griddled flakes of lamb gyro. Griddling the gyro meat rendered it crunchy. Most of each meal was left behind on the plate. Just. No. [15 Minutes of Fame: "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives: A Taste of Everywhere"]
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