| rev:text
| - "I need a minute to get my head straight
"Just to hit it before it's too late
"Innocent, considering my middle name is 'Shake My Body'
"Take a seat it's glittering, I shimmy and I shake my body."
[Chorus x2]
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This is the only true professional sports team we have in our little Entertainment Capital of the World, so we will make the best of it, dammit!
For the Troll Flaggers/Worthless Yelp HQ employees
I drive a motor vehicle to the Boulevard exit of the US-95; I bypass the stadium entrance and instead park for free [PRO TIP: save 4$ every game] at the library lot for day games or the Natural History Museum/Heritage Park lots for night contests. I walk to the Will Call box office window. I retrieve my tickets. I walk into the ballpark through the south gates -- getting my free promo if it is a promo night -- and grab a free program on the way to my bleacher seats.
Is that "enough detail about [my] customer experience[,]" you no-life-having trolls?
No? Alright.
I grab some water from the fountain [PRO TIP: save 10$ every game] or bubbler if you are Bostonian, watching it flow into my Yelp bottle (thanks Norm!) while listening to sweet sounds of annoying Top-40 hits over the PA. I take my seat and place my bottle under the bleacher so that it is not heated by the direct overhead sun rays. I read a few pages from a non-fiction baseball book that I brought for in between innings and before the first pitch.
Still not enough customer experience?
Pitches are thrown by the appropriate players. I clap.
Swings are made by the appropriate players. I clap.
Calls are botched by the appropriate officials. I grab the top of my head and boo furiously.
I stand up when a 51 blasts a home run [PRO TIP: they can also be called homers].
I point at pop fouls so that those that are not paying attention in the section can be made aware that a fast dropping ball [PRO TIP: gravity, bro.] may be coming down to meet the top of their skulls.
Is that enough customer experience, useless imbecile at Yelp HQ?
Sometimes I use the restroom. I walk in through one door, wash my hands, relieve myself, wash my hands again [Pro Tip: this time I dry them as well], then walk out the other door. At this time, I take advantage of the fountain/bubbler outside the restroom and collect more delicious Lake Mead drinking water into my Yelp bottle.
Is that enough?
A History
The XFL once had a franchise here -- when there was an XFL to have franchises -- and that experiment ended quickly. There was some other American football league trying to make the best of the offseason of the shit NFL season, and the Las Vegas team won the championship (yay!); however, no one knew nor cared. And there are the Outlaws, an Arena Football League (AFL) franchise, but hardly anyone attends the games and it probably does not help that they are impressively terrible.
usatoday.com/story/sports/2014/11/05/las-vegas-pro-sports-major-league-soccer-nba-nhl-mlb/18562353
Why baseball?
Well, American football is not going to happen, so why not? Sure it is hot as all hell. Sure the park is not the most modern (when Fresno has one that looks state-of-the-art in comparison, then building a new one should be in the works). Sure the traffic patterns during ingress and egress could use some work. But, it is America's Pasttime, goddammit!
theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/10/sorry-nfl-baseball-is-still-americas-pastime/280985
51's
The final step before making the New York Metropolitans, the Las Vegas 51's enjoy fielding some of the best of the National League has to offer who are recuperating from injuries as well as younger prospects on their way to the Big Leagues. They also play against the best, e.g., 24-million-dollar man Jake Peavy (SF) got lit the hell up by the 51's this season: milb.com/milb/stats/stats.jsp?gid=2015_06_26_srcaaa_lvgaaa_1&t=g_box&sid=t400.
This season they sit comfortably at #1 of the division, just like last year. (They ended up losing in the conference series to Reno.) There may be no better time to break out a Hamilton for a simple bench ticket and a bunch of Washingtons for beer on dollar beer night and make a night of professional baseball your entertainment choice of the evening.
Brooks Conrad, the First Baseman
There is no manlier name in all of baseball.
Cosmo, the Mascot
He could benefit from a bit of weight loss. He will never win a race around the bases until he does so.
Area 51, the fanatics
More cowbell, more vuvuzela, and more waves. Get up off your asses ....
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Rating: Four-stars, "Yay! I'm a fan."
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