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| - Authentic is one of those foodie buzzwords that tend to be tossed around with alarming frequency. Usually, it denotes a standard of excellence. To me, authenticity is not an end goal with food (my end goal being taste) but a possible step along the way to achieving said goal.
Which brings me to China House. A glowing, neon red time capsule, duly pumping out the same pseudo Cantonese based cuisine that was so successful back in the 1960s. Your parents loved this stuff when their parents took them out on a Friday night for dinner. You probably love it too. Authentic, it is surely not. Tasty, it is.
So leaving your Scarborough dim sum memories behind, journey over the magical bridge of wishful loonie dreams and make sure you get a seat in the main room. If you are lucky, you'll be seated under the artificial tree in one of the prime round tables.
A waiter will immediately plunk down fried chow mein noodles, electric red sweet and sour sauce and nasal blasting yellow mustard. These "little fried worms" are to be added to your meal, but I've never seen it happen. But then, we never order the chow mein either. Dip them instead into the sauces and eat, like some fusiony, Asian version of salsa and tortillas.
Said waiter will return a few minutes later with tea and to take your order. He will be anywhere between 50 and 183 years of age. He will be wearing a uniform of red jacket, bow tie and black pants. If you're lucky, his name tag will say "Tom". At China House, there has always been a "Tom". Those familiar with the operations of the Overlook Hotel will understand.
Take one part Borscht Belt Comedian, one part smirking Bill Murray and one part trickster mythos and that would give you an idea of Tom's charms. His whole demeanor is one of impish delight. His body language saying, "Let's do this order thing again" as he whips out his pad with a flourish. "I've literally watched the finish wear off these plates over the past thirty years, yet I still enjoy my job". Many of the city's young, bored and disaffected "servers" could learn a lesson from Tom.
While you wait for your food, enjoy the room. People watch, because you are not going to find a group like this in many rooms around town. If you went to central casting it could not be more perfect. Notice also that China House does a regular take away business that clearly keeps the joint running.
As stated, the food is more pseudo Cantonese then pseudo Sichuan, so those looking for serious or even casual heat should look elsewhere (mostly at that excellent mustard sauce). Never you mind, your Bubbie can't digest those chili peppers anyway.
The classics are executed with panache. Egg rolls are crispy and light; won ton soup with consommé is clean and satisfying. Spareribs are sticky sweet, redolent of 5-spice mix with a nice chew and rich pork hit. This is probably one of the better ribs in the city, if rib fanatics are willing to look outside the category of smoked/grilled western style. It's an appetizer portion so order double if you care for more.
After that, it's a hit parade of faves like Kung Pao Shrimp, Sautéed Seafood, Vegetable Delight: basically, properly stir fried vegetables in light sauces. You'll find none of the all-purpose onion and carrot heavy utility veg mixes that happen in most Canadian/Chinese take out. The "protein" additions of chicken, seafood and pork are also of good quality. I'm not too fond of the beef here, and that may be my only complaint.
Once done with your meal, enjoy fortune cookies that actually taste good, possessing a nice, sweet almond flavoured crunch. Try to avoid the charms of the Phoenix Room on your way out. The bathrooms have seen better days.
The same could be said of China House, but I would say "not so!" A more authentic experience of mid 20th century westernized Chinese food cannot be had in Toronto. It's a slowly fading memory that won't be replicated again. Visit it soon and keep the tradition alive.
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