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  • When it comes to Las Vegas these days it is easy to find flaws...of course being the epitome of perfection as Rex is...it is easy. Times have hit this city hard. The days of wine, roses and cheap gas for huffing are over. These are the tough times. The rough times. The decline of western civilization times. The times for poorly written and cliched observations. Rex gets it. Times are tough for all of us. Rex can relate...a few nights ago he did the unthinkable...he ate at Panda Express. Rex rarely feels shame but he does now. Rex knows that it is awful. Unthinkable. Rex will admit something else. A few days ago Rex huffed diesel insteal of premium unleaded. Rex has hit bottom...Rex even considered going to the Circus Circus. Rex wept in shame. Days went by...Rex could barely endure the horror. He ate at Roccos and plummeted further into a depression. None of the usual things made him feel better. Mocking Andre Agassi's hairline...no joy. Circling cellulite in Star magazine...no joy. Licking the ground in front of Dairy Queen...no joy. Having sexual intercourse with himself...okay...that wasn't bad. Still...it wasn't the screaming ecstasy that Rex has come to expect. Rex began to wonder...you know what will cheer Rex up...college coeds. Sexy college chicks. So he visited the strip clubs...and was rudely told that you must wear pants to enter. Rex doesn't wear pants for strip club. Rex called them fascists. Rex was beaten savagely by these pituitary cases...these rejects from the CFL. Rex woke up in a dumpster near the college...his favorite way to awaken. He smelled good food. He walked. He hoped. He put on pants. He smelled again. He rubbed his eyes. He scratched his crotch vigorously. He wrote on a note pad to look for a used antibiotics bottle during one of his "treasure" hunts. He went inside...he wept. Cuginos. Cugino's Italian Deli. More beautiful words were never spoken...except the time I said "please don't wake up Jessica Biel." (She didn't.) Finding this gem in the desert was a shocking turn events for this depressed cow poke...(that was Rex's nickname...Rex "Cow Poke" Marvin...don't ask). Rex was often told that there is NO INTELLIGENCE AT ALL to be found anywhere near UNLV. After witnessing an after hours party, and scoring with an 18 year old chick who thought i was Brad Pitt's brother, Stu. Stu Pitt. I thought they were right....but there are all only 99.9% correct. The owner and operators of Cuginos are BRILLIANT! They are food genius's. Great sandwiches. Check. Great ingredients. Check. Willing to serve a crying man with no pants. No check...the one strike against them. Everything Rex has ever had there is brilliant. Rex must recommend a few things...because that is what Rex does so perfectly. Donnie's Special is a great sandwich. Chicken is perfectly cooked and seasoned. The fresh mozzarella is the best...more on that in the next paragraph. The Cuginos special is a great cold sandwich...if only slightly under seasoned. The penne a la vodka is great. Everything is great. if I had one complaint it would be that most dishes are so delicately seasoned they boarder on under seasoned. Rex promised to save the best for last...much like Rex in bed. They make their own Mozzerella and it is the best in the city by far and away. New York curds made into pefect cheese...and extremely reasonably priced. Rex always buys some when he is there and chews on it like biting into bread. Just eats it raw. Rex understands perfection. He lives it. Rarely can you describe anything in the food business as perfect, and not just for these crumbling times in Las Vegas...but for anywhere any time. Every other deli in the city should look at Cuginos as the blueprint on how to succeed. Reasonably priced. Great food and uncompromising ingredients. Rex is your perfect love. You are his perfect fool. Rex will be back to Cuginos. Rex will be back for you...and you will love him for it. Rex will leave...and you will love him more for it. Rex will love the cash he took from your purse.
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